Many situations can be improved or resolved by talking with the different parties involved. However, often we don´t reach out and face the moment, allowing the situation to drag on and usually worsen as the discomfort, pain or even rage embeds itself in us, taking root and affecting all other aspects. Possible reasons behind our avoidance of tackling these challenging conversations may include uncertainty about what might happen, lack of experience, or even fear that the situation may become even worse.
It is usually more productive to gather your thoughts, and feelings, and prepare for the conversation rather than deal with matters in the heat of the moment, however only you know what works best for you!
Here are a few pointers to help you prepare for those challenging conversations, or for any conversation which you, or the other person, may feel uncomfortable about:
Preparation: “Download” your ideas on to paper
Focus on:
- the why and what for
- the action, not the person
- what they DO bring to the relationship and embrace their differences
- how your life has changed for the better since your paths crossed
- what it is that is triggering you
- what situation or action causes you to wish they were different
- what you would like to happen, instead of what you don´t like
Revisit these “downloaded” thoughts and ideas after a few hours/days and build on each aspect, giving as much detail as possible.
Taking action: using efficient and effective next steps
Techniques include:
- sandwich technique: first say something to bond or connect with the person, then transmit your message, then say something to show you trust or are on the same side as the other person working together to resolve the situation
- positive language: leave negative, instructive, authoritative language to one side, substitute “should” with “could” for example
- storytelling: relate it to a third person, putting emotional distance and avoiding getting personal
- emotional intelligence: awareness of how both you and the other person are feeling
Wanting help with “downloading” and focus?
Wanting to discover more about the techniques to take the next steps?
Let´s connect and start to transform challenging conversations into opportunities for connection and celebration!